


Scale of 1-10

by Fandomsbeatreality



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxious Katsuki Yuuri, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Supportive Victor Nikiforov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 05:08:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11456625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandomsbeatreality/pseuds/Fandomsbeatreality
Summary: Yuuri Katsuki swears he has been handling his anxiety better, but one mistake during practice will prove that the beast will never truly be tamed.AKA: Yuuri has a really bad panic attack at the rink and Viktor saves him.





	Scale of 1-10

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, this might make no sense but I needed to write what was in my head. Yuuri's experience is based entirely on my own, so if its really out of character or weird I'm sorry. Please leave your feedback, I always love hearing from people who read my work. Let me know how I can improve!
> 
> Translations:
> 
> моя любовь- my love  
> возлюбленная- sweetheart
> 
> Thank you again for reading!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters used in this story.

 

Yuuri skated a few laps around the edge of the rink to warm back up after taking a break for lunch. He noticed Yuri talking with Yakov by one end, Viktor chatting with Mila by the other. Ever since moving to St. Petersburg permanently, Yuuri had come to call the russian skaters his friends, even his family. Despite his fierceness, Yuri had become like a little brother or even a son, and Mila like a sister. The others, like Georgi, he was friends with but not as closely. All in all, Yuuri was happy with his life in Russia. He got to spend every day with his friends and loving fiance, doing what he loved to do. What else could he wish for?

 

So why did he still feel so down?

 

He hid it well, but Yuuri’s anxiety was a beast that would never truly leave him. While yes, he had become better at controlling it, there were still days where the monster inside him would rise up again, eating him alive from the inside, leaving him shaking and gasping for breath. Sometimes there was a reason, sometimes it came completely out of the blue, hitting the japanese man like a brick wall. 

 

Viktor was always amazing at times like that. He knew how to comfort Yuuri while still respecting his boundaries, knew how to read him and tell what was ok and what needed to be avoided, knew when all the comfort in the world would do nothing, and all they could do was wait for the attack to pass. Those days were rare, but they were the worst in the minds of both Viktor and Yuuri.

 

Yuuri finished his warm ups and skated down towards Viktor.  Once out of the way of the other skaters he began running through particularly tricky step sequence from this season’s free skate. Normally step sequences were the first thing Yuuri mastered in a new routine, but today he could not keep his focus long enough to make any significant progress. His mind was whirling a mile a minute, thinking about everything and nothing at the same time, never staying on one subject long enough to truly think about it. He had woken up that morning feeling slightly more on edge than normal, but he had brushed it off assuming the feeling would eventually dissipate. 

 

As Yuuri set up for another run of the sequence it hit, just like a brick wall.

 

The sound of skates became grating and too loud, the white of the ice too jarring and bright, the cold in the air too biting. Everything was too much to handle and Yuuri felt his hands and legs begin to shake, and his breathing begin to quicken. 

 

He tried to push through it he really did. He launched into his step sequence one more time, only making it a few steps before his knees gave out and he hit the ice, eyes squeezing closed and hands coming up to cover his ears. He vaguely felt the vibrations in the ice caused by the other skaters stopping, but he couldn't be bothered to care. Only when he felt a hand on his back did he react, jumping and sliding away.

 

“Don’t touch me!”

 

He couldn’t be sure what language he had spoken, not sure if he could be bothered to come up with the english words now as he curled even further in on himself. He felt more than saw someone walk up to him in street shoes, not skates. Viktor knelt before him, looking at him in concern, obviously having run out onto the ice when he fell, not bothering with the fact that he was supposed to be coaching him, therefore explaining the lack of skates.

 

“Yuuri, give me a number.”

 

Back when Yuuri had first moved to Russia, he had explained his anxiety and panic attacks to Viktor in more detail, figuring it was better he found out before he had to witness one. They had devised a number system. Whenever Yuuri felt anxious or had a panic attack Viktor would ask him to rank it from 1 to 10. A 1 was simply a slightly above average anxiety day where Yuuri was overthinking things and needed to be reassured. Attacks that were ranked a 1 were dealt with with hugs and snuggling, often times kisses as well. A 10 was the worst a panic attack could be. A 10 was rare, but dangerous. 10’s involved Yuuri panicking to the point of losing his bearings, not being able to tell where he was or who he was with, being lost in his own mind, becoming a danger to himself. From a physical standpoint, a 10 involved intense shaking and hyperventilating, sometimes even nausea and dizziness. It wasn’t unheard of for Yuuri to scratch and . There had only been one time where all of Yuuri’s symptoms had gotten the better of him and he had passed out. 

 

Trying to focus his breathing enough to speak Yuuri barely managed to gasp out a “10”. His chest hurt from the frigid air being moved so quickly in and out of his lungs, and when he dared open his eyes the entire rink was spinning. He couldn’t bring himself to uncover his ears, or even to move any part of his body. He heard Viktor curse in russian under his breath before tapping the ice in front of yuri with a pen he had in his pocket, trying to get his attention without touching him.

 

Yuuri pried his eyes open and tried to focus on the man in front of him, honing in on his piercing blue eyes to try and stay grounded and keep the dizziness at bay. Viktor slowly brought his hands into Yuuri’s line of vision, holding them up like he was surrendering. 

 

“Yuuri we have to get you off the ice, but I don’t think you can make it by yourself, I’m going to have to touch you just long enough to get to the locker room okay?”

 

Viktor made sure to speak very slowly and calmly, despite the absolute panic taking over him inside. He had dealt with Yuuri’s panic attacks before, and he had heard stories of one’s this bad, but he had never experienced one in person. His heart ached for his fiance, and he wished more than anything he could help him in some way.

 

Yuuri could think of nothing worse than being touched right this second, but the small, tiny part of his brain that was still thinking rationally knew he could not stay here. So slowly, as if the very act caused him pain, he nodded his head. Viktor let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding, and placed his hands on Yuuri’s shoulders, feeling him tense beneath his touch. Slowly, as if working with a startled animal, Viktor helped Yuuri stand, and skate over to the edge of the rink. Viktor purposefully kept himself between Yuuri and the rest of the rink, knowing the knowledge that he was being watched would only spook Yuuri further.

 

Once they reached the locker room Viktor was quick to help Yuuri sit before taking his hands off of him and sitting on the bench opposite him. A few months back, Yuuri had mentioned that while sometimes he didn’t want to be touched during a panic attack, he did need Viktor’s presence. So Viktor took a seat close enough that Yuuri would know he was there, but far enough away that he had his space. 

 

Yuuri curled himself into a ball, his breathing fast and ragged and his whole body shaking. The dizziness was only getting worse and the small amount of energy it had taken to get from the rink to the locker room had caused the nausea to hit him full force. He tried to regulate his breathing as his mind came back to him, but he couldn’t seem to catch his breath. Even though the mental part of the attack seemed to be subsiding, the physical effects were still going strong.

 

In a desperate attempt, Yuuri reached out his hand for Viktor, hoping he would understand the message. He did thankfully, coming to kneel in front of Yuuri, placing a hand tentatively on his knee. Yuuri grabbed his arm, placing Viktor’s hand on his chest, trying to communicate what he needed. Viktor placed one hand on Yuuri’s chest, and guided on of Yuuri’s hands to his own.

 

“Breathe with me know возлюбленная, come on you can do it, in and out.” Viktor soothed his fiance, whispering encouragement and praise as Yuuri slowly got control of his breathing. As his breathing slowed, so did the shaking. The room stopped spinning and the nausea subsided, leaving Yuuri limp and exhausted. He fell into Viktor’s arms, tears slowly rolling down his face.

 

“Shhhh моя любовь, you’re alright, it’s over. Let’s go home now.” He held his lover in his arms for a moment before slowly beginning to try to stand up. Yuuri however, was not ready to be let go, so Viktor swept him up into his arms and carried him to the car.

 

Once the two skaters were safe in their apartment, Viktor guided Yuuri into their bedroom, tucking him under the covers of their bed, making sure he was comfortable before running to get some supplies from around the house. He returned with water, his laptop, extra blankets, and Yuuri’s favorite stuffed animal from childhood. As ashamed as Yuuri was to admit it, he had valued the toy since he was gifted it when he was only six, and had brought it with him to Russia because it calmed him.

 

Viktor simply handed the plush bear, complete with a figure skating outfit, to his fiance before climbing into bed next to him and pulling up a nature documentary about the ocean. Yuuri always found ocean documentaries calming, as he enjoyed the sound of the waves and the beauty of the fish. Yuuri lay with his head on Viktor’s chest, cuddling his bear, and Viktor held Yuuri in his arms.

 

They would have to talk about this, discuss what caused it and what to do if it happened again, but that was a discussion for another time. For now Yuuri was too exhausted to do anything but slowly fall asleep against his lover. Viktor looked down at the sleeping form of his Yuuri. Of course he was concerned for the man, and he knew this would mean Yuuri would feel like hell tomorrow, but for now he was happy to just have him in his arms, safe and sound.


End file.
